“Only because of the spirit..” (Rak Biglal Haruach..)

Two months ago my little sister joined the IDF (Israel Defense Forces). There’s a 10 years gap between us and still, although allegedly there’s a distance of half a generation between us, she is the best friend I could ever wish for. For a long time now I haven’t written anything in my blog. That’s not because I don’t have what to say but because I couldn’t find the right words to say it. After my sister was recruited to the IDF I was overwhelmed with many mixed feelings, and maybe dealing with them and with the routine of life that has changes made me silent for a while.

 In the day of her joining the IDF, we all came together to the army base where the new soldiers are being welcomed and given all they need (BAKUM), I saw in front of my dozens of families, standing and hugging their loved ones, knowing that soon they will go on a bus that will take them in one moment to mature life, and will put aside their youth. Mother’s wiped their tears, fathers who couldn’t stop hugging, everyone look in pride mixed with sadness. And I? I stood aside, and could not stop smiling. True, whoever knows me, known I smile when embarrassed, happy or sad just the sane, but here it was a smile full of happiness. Happiness from the bottom of my heart. The only thing I could think about that minute was how great it is that I’m here, with my little sister who I love so much, and how great it is that I get to see here in this moment in her life. The happiness that swooped over me that moment was amazing. I knew I had another achievement – I was at the day she joined the IDF. I had a present role of that stage in her life.

 

On the way home, and a few days later, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About those dozens of people who shared that same moment with me, technically, who were there, and as far as I can tell – came back home sad, tired, emptied. I was thinking to myself how many times during our lives we are in events that remark something for people who are close to us, and are supposed to make us feel only happiness, but in reality – it turns out to work differently. In reality there are mixed feelings sometimes, pressure and anxiety (like when you are planning a big event) and actually at some point the happiness and the goals are hidden and even seize to exist.  When we get into a crazy roll coaster that includes everything, totally everything. Except for being present and let our body be swamped over with that sweet feeling combined with a slight chill.  Too quickly we start dealing with the practical side of our new reality: “what will happen now?”, “what’s next?”. And too little we stop and dwell on the event as it’s happening. Our head won’t let us rest. And so, we found ourselves in an unsatisfied condition, where our energies are being wasted and at the same time we feel just a bit happy or even not at all.

 

I wonder to myself, is it because we are too busy to stop for a moment and experience life, because we don’t know how to do it, or because we forgot and we think it’s a lost cause for us.
Do we let ourselves be sucked into the conception that this is how things are supposed to be, that’s how we are supposed to feel, instead of coming to try and create for ourselves the reality and emotions in which we want and are willing to live. Where is the line between accepting life as they are and between trying to create what we want out of the, what we aim for, Should there be such a line drawn. 

In the last few years my world turned over itself a few times. Some will say too many times. In the age of 29, I need to equip myself with what professionals call “mental strength” in order to keep turning my life into what I want it to be. I call it “simplicity”. I don’t think it’s mental strength, but rather innocent and simple look at life.  Out of choosing life, and loving them, I find myself soaking in the happiness in the life events that in the past I used just to skip over; meaning I was just present at them and nothing more than that. It’s not that I find suddenly the meaning of life, but I learn how to make life more meaningful. It’s not that I learn how to use the mental strength that’s in me, but I learn to feel my body and what he needs in order to exist. It’s not that I find the “light” or the “secret” for long good life, but I deal with leaving it, and enable it to be good. To decide life is good, and make them that way.

“Only because of the spirit” is not a satisfactory saying to me. I broaden it and say that thanks to the spirit I keep on going. And because of the passion to life I act and I give meaning and content to my life. And so, I will keep create my own reality and will act. Because now, after my sister was recruited to the IDF, there’s a new goal. To be there in the day my 3 years old nephew joins the IDF or finishes his high school. 

A 100 but feels like 20 years old

63 years. 63 long and good years. This number marks the number of years my grandma and grandpa are married. They married in Persia, when my grandmother was 19. She says my grandfather was the man she choice. She did not agree to an arranged marriage, which was so usual at that time in the mountains of Kurdistan. But my grandmother did not agree to that norm. She waited for the right person. It was David for her. And ever since, 63 years, they have been together.

Grandma Zipporah, is a very special person. For those who do not know her, a short conversation is enough to understand that she is an extraordinary personality, a person that shows out and also full of love, desire to give and help as much as possible, independence, and unparalleled wisdom. It’s true, she is a grandmother, and I know all these things might be true regarding many other grandmothers, but there is something that can not be explained about Grandma Zippiy’s irresistible personality. Simply can not be.

A few weeks ago we ate together Friday night’s dinner. After dinner, we played with my nephew with his toys scattered everywhere. I saw grandpa holding grandma, and helped her to stand, when suddenly revealed to me a thrilling and amazing sight: grandpa, who is 85 years old, saw there’s a toy on the floor disturbed grandmother's walking path. He just bent with the little strength he has left, and took the toy away so that grandma will not fall on it. That was the only thing that was important to him at that moment – to move the toy and keep grandma safe. His wife for the last 63 years.

This week, on one day, my grandma did not feel well. When I talked to her she told me she had fallen asleep in the living room, and grandpa slept all through the night on the little sofa next to her and did not move. He held her hand, so if she needed anything he could hear and help her, at any time, at any part of the night. 2 nights they spent that way, she felt asleep on the big couch in the living room, and he on the small couch next to her, holding her hand, and ready to help her as needed.

When my grandma told me about it, my eyes were wet for a moment. I smiled a bit embarrassed and happy. I heard her voice, and all that I could think about is how amazing it is, that after 63 years together, grandpa will not sleep without her even for one night. He wants to be there all night next to her so if she needs anything, God forbid, he will be there for her. I thought to myself how many times we are talking and writing about the little moments of happiness in our life, and searching for the meaning of life. We are looking for the next big car, dream house we want to build, with a yard, a garden, a dog or a cat, about eating in restaurants, surfing the web, going abroad, seeing the world, traveling, fulfilling ourselves, to develop as a person, to go to the pub, see a movie. All of these things make us seemingly happier and at certain moments better and more complete.

My grandparents came from Persia in 1951. They had nothing. They lived in transit camps, like many other good people. They were content with the little that they had. They didn’t eat no luxury food, they didn’t fly abroad, they had no internet and they did not know what a car was. They did not eat in restaurants, and they raised four wonderful children. 14 grandchildren. 7 great-grandchildren. They are so happy. If you ask them, they will tell you. If you look at them, you will see and understand immediately.

I wish for myself and to all of you, that in 40 years from now, we will be here, and we'll have someone to hold our hand when we sleep, someone that will move the toys out of our way, and will love us so much. I wish that we will know to identify those people in our lives, and hold them tight and be better and more complete with what we have. Even if sometimes it seems we don’t have much.

This week my grandma is celebrating another birthday. Another year of her happy life. Dear grandma and grandpa, my wish to you is for many more years of good and long life together. Thank you for all that you taught us, all that you gave and all that you do for us, and that you are just you: role model, an example of how people should be even in the more challenging moments of life, and when it seems that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. You are the light for all of us. You always were and always will be.