בְּרֵאשִׁית, בָּרָא
אֱלֹהִים, אֵת הַשָּׁמַיִם, וְאֵת הָאָרֶץ. וְהָאָרֶץ, הָיְתָה
תֹהוּ וָבֹהוּ, וְחֹשֶׁךְ, עַל-פְּנֵי תְהוֹם"
“In the beginning, God created the
heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness
was over the face of the deep.”
The world
was created. There was chaos. After the chaos, God began to work. He created
the heavens and the lights and finally created man, and then rested. He worked
six days and rested on the seventh. . "ויברך אלוהים את יום
השבת לקודשו, כי בו שבת מכל מלאכתו אשר ברא אלוהים לעשות" (And God blessed
the Shabbat and made it sacred, as that it the day when He rested from all his
work of creation) – That’s part of our bless that we give at the Kiddush on Friday night (memories from my parents’
home..)
I grew up
in a home of a Bible teacher. My mother was more than 25 years in various
positions in the education system, from Bible teacher to national instructor of
Bible in the Ministry of Education. As a child, I remember how every trip with
Mom and Dad included explanations and stories from the Bible. Jewish Culture, the
Jewish heritage and the Jewish world were an integral part of my life. Shortly
after my father retired from the IDF (Israel Defense Force) after more than 20
years of service, he decided to start a second career and went into teaching,
and of course, following my mother – and became a Bible teacher. Thus, I grew
up in a home where I could hear often statements like “"עינַיִם לָהֶם וְלֹא יִרְאוּ, אָזְנַיִם לָהֶם וְלֹא יִשְׁמָעוּ ("Eyes
they have but they will not see, ears they have but they will not hear”)
(Jeremiah, 5) - to express frustration when we didn’t notice something and even
statements like: "אִם מִחוּט וְעַד שְׂרוֹךְ נַעַל וְאִם אֶקַּח מִכָּל
אֲשֶׁר לָךְ וְלֹא תֹאמַר אֲנִי הֶעֱשַׁרְתִּי אֶת אַבְרָם" " (“If a thread or a shoelace or take anything that is
yours and you shall not say I made Abram rich") (Genesis, 14) - when we
want to say we will not get anything from anyone for not to say that he
enriched us.
So, I grew
up in a secular home, but a home that recognizes, respects and cherish the
Jewish world. A home where the weekly Torah portion is a significant social
issue discussed at the table on Friday night dinner. A home in which "Traveling
with the Bible" is a lifestyle and not a slogan. A home where love of the
Bible is an integral part of the social structure, and the stories that are
accompanied by a moral and social statements arising from the Bible are
commonly used. Rules regarding behavior between people, and between the family
members. Never did my parents put emphasis on the religious aspect of it, as we
see today - a belief in God. We were educated for the main values the Bible
speaks of, love of Israel, and living up
to those values.
How does
this relate to the cancer that came into my world?
I found
myself suddenly thinking about the process I went through in the past nine
months. You can say that on January 23rd I experienced my own
private Birthright. Since I was diagnosed with cancer in my body, I met dozens
of people that shared a common fate with me, some of who were in a better
situation than me, and some – worse than mine. For all of them the process was
similar - finding a lump in the breast, suspecting something is wrong, making a
doctor's appointment, waiting in line, a doctor than having a suspicious
finding, sends mammography / breast surgeon / breast ultrasound, another week /
two weeks to go, a biopsy is taken, waiting for the results. Results come back,
again a doctor's appointment, decide on treatment, wait until the treatment
starts, it begins. Recovered. In more severe cases, with time, routine
surveillance, the cancer comes back. Suspected metastases, discover the
metastasis and the location, deciding on further treatment. More severe cases,
metastatic status was not static, out of control. Do not respond to medications
anymore. You are between life and death.
What I
described here in a few lines becomes the reality for thousands of women a year
in Israel.
4000 women are diagnosed with breast cancer every year in Israel alone. Most of
them are going through big parts of the process I mentioned here, in the order
that I mentioned.
And I? I
grew up in a home with the stories of the Bible. When God created the world,
first of all was chaos. Before there was order. Probably the creation of the
cancer in my body decided to imitate the creation of the world. Before all
there was chaos. Situation between life and death. Immediate risk to life. Critical
condition. The doctors are shocked and saddened. They don’t look you in the eyes.
They don’t know what to say. No matter how much I explained that there’s no
need to worry, and that everything would be fine. Perhaps it was my innocence at
that moment, perhaps with pure intent that that’s what will happen, and I'll go
out of the Oncology department, 9th floor of the hospital Ichilov, and standing
on my feet. Not in a closet. The 9th floor at Ichilov, I understand now, from a
distance of time, is the floor from which you don’t necessarily going out
walking on your legs. Innocence of me, if you will, I did not realize it at the
time. Maybe refusing to accept it created a different reality. And maybe that’s
how I went out of the chaos. I started there, and slowly, step by step, as the
creation of the world, a part and then another part of me were created, the
situation improved a little more, and then some more. And God said let there be
light and there was light. My immune system tries to recover.
I was
thinking recently what brought me out of the 9th floor of Ichilov
and back home. How come I'm still here. The reason is not always clear to me, I
have to admit. I did and I'm still doing a lot of other things in order to get
better, in addition to conventional medicine, and will tell more about it in
one of the following posts. I even flew all the way to China for an
unconventional treatment (that I will also elaborate about this later) with my
father who took me on a wheelchair. I received excellent treatment at Ichilov Hospital that saved his life. And so I
thanked and I still thank the dedicated team of doctors. I started in chaos.
Slowly slowly, yet surly, comes the light.
Creation
took six days and then God rested. Metastatic breast cancer is for life. It’s chronic.
Not everyone who has it gets long life and good quality of living. Metastatic
breast cancer is stage four. It has no cure. During the month of October, the
month of breast cancer awareness is being marked. For me, awareness should
always exist, and always should go up, not only along one month of the year.
They say that early detection can and does save lives. Dear girls, I wrote
before, I'm writing now and will write in the future – be aware. Get yourself
checked, feel the changes in your body. None of you wants to start in chaos on
one bright day. Or to get, God forbidden, to a state of "ויהי חושך"“let there
be darkness”. Let's all stay in the light.
9 months
ago I was admitted to Ichilov
Hospital in critical condition.
I'm still here, continuing to tell the story. My own personal creation of the
world. My life. I will continue to tell my story and create hope for everyone
who thinks that “let there be darkness” can not become “Let there be light”. In
the meantime, I will continue to enjoy and live my life. To live and not just to
exist. To feel, live the moment and skip a beat when I see the beauty of the
world. “ויהי ערב ויהי בוקר, יום חדש.” And there was evening and there
was morning, a new day.
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