For the billions and billions who err…

Fear, War, Statistics, Missing Out.

Words from songs, wisdom from songs that I chose to bring to your attention. All my life I have admired music and thought that there is wisdom and a whole world hidden inside the sounds, words and tune.  We don't always realize how much. The opening words that introduce this post relate to something central in my life today. The struggle, the war, the fear of being part of the statistics and the knowledge that I don't ever want to miss a thing. The knowledge that the path for healing is a war for my life, and that it is a privilege to be alive. Sometimes we have to fight for these privileges a bit more. The knowledge that in the end I will win. The things that are really important.

"And it isn't clear what will remain of us other than our fears."

The Fear.

Over the last two weeks I've been thinking a lot about fear. Should I be afraid? Of what, really?  Does fear silence us or strengthen us? Where do we get the strength to be strong? And is the dialogue about fear not one of the important struggles in the process?

"Wars don't happen in the winter."

War.   
The state in which every person struggling with cancer finds him or herself. Every sick person.  Could it be? Are we talking about a situation that happens to us or one which we choose? The war against cancer. A war in order to survive. A war in order to live. My war. I chose it. A war in which I choose to fight and which I have no intention to lose.

"It isn't wise to be strong just in war…"

"And who can say how much time remains…when I met you I thought for a moment that I had found a friend."

Maybe my war here and now is the product of something that is beyond my understanding.  Maybe I will stay.  Maybe not.  But I have no doubt that I will fight.  My friends, my family and everyone who is by my side is there to help but at the end of the day, this war and struggle is mine along, our daily struggles with ourselves our set by Him. And it doesn't matter how much we all want it, we know when we start our lives, but we will never know when they will end – and so everything in between, the path itself, the journey – we are obligated to make it meaningful.  Not just for us but also for those around us. Giving. Doing for others. It is important.

"For the billions and billions who er, who are still seeking their way…"

Statistics.

For all those statistics I intend to prove wrong. For all those billions who err and think I will become another statistic. And for those who don't become statistics but triumph over them.  For the triumph. And for the process – the process that teaches us so much about the strength of the soul and internal strength that we never knew we had, and which we find only in the moments when we need it most, and maybe precisely because of those moments. As the song continues, Aviv says, "It is not an obligation to live, it is a privilege to be alive."

"Anita waited for Juan, but he was late to pick the fruits of her love."

Missing Out.

We've all been there. The feeling of missing out that accompanies us not just once in our lives but for different reasons, after different situations. The central question is what we do to lessen this feeling of missing out, and how we stuggle with it so that we continue to experience life and remain alive. Missing out is a part of life, but a part we can try to control. To do the things that are important to us at the right time, at the right moment. And with the right people. And not to wait.

This week's post doesn't deal with my war itself, but it expresses another part of who I am, of what I am. Many of you, people I don't even know, have written me of late and expressed your desire to get to know me a bit better. This is the true me. 
 In my next post I will continue to write about my daily struggles and the experiences I have as a result of them. 
In the meantime, I will leave you with one final quote from a song that I love:

"We are a unique species, with our dreams in the air and our heads in the sand."

In the meantime, I will continue to dream and to turn my dream of healing from cancer into a reality.